Written on 13th Mar, 2018 in Reflections
My first ever serious girlfriend has had a passionate relationship with a band that was then slowly but surely rising up towards the top of popmusic charts. But their growing popularity was the reason for her affection for them, nor was it the reason of the one I came to have. Sure, I started properly listening to them on account of my emotions towards her, but the ability of certain songs to express feelings so authentic and relatable made me stick to them for a long time after the massive heartbreak. And it continued for long enough to last through our reconnection two years after that and beyond the second blow.
But then it started to rot. Because the band itself had given me a blow as well. They scheduled the release of their 2014 album Ghost Stories on the day of my birthday, which made me so excited that all I wanted was a physical copy. I was keen to get my hands on it, put it in my computer, open Adobe Audition, put on the headphones I purchased on a Valentine's day that year (She did not deserve nor want them, I figured.), and listen and relisten all the tracks throughout the night, into the morning. That did not happen, though. Because they pre-released the entire thing on iTunes about a week ahead, which pissed me off to the point of total neglection of the entire band.
She kept telling me that they didn't deserve it and how awesome the album was. But no, they did deserve it, and in terms of playtime, more that 75% of it sucked. And so did the new post-breakup relationship we were trying to make work in some way. I was there for her, she... responded to my messages and enjoyed the conversations, I guess. But it hurt me and made me feel unwanted and at many points quite neglected. She did want to keep texting but would reject all real-life encounter proposals but one, which came way too late. I kept being supportive but she kept talking about issues she had, while not actively listening to things I had to say. She did not remember my graduation day despite me supporting her all the way through hers.
Even so, after this prompt break in our communication came my last attempt to make it function. We have even met for an afternoon in Prague, which may have been enjoyable, but felt unnatural and quite uncomfortable for me. But I managed to make us talk about how she could reduce the amount of pain I was going through. And I was probably only trying because I loved her. Essentially, we were incompatible. In love, friendship, or collaboration on any level.
About our relationship, I complained only occassionaly, but it eventually lead to suspended communication and her sending me a letter with tears in it. She pointed out my importance in her life and how my actions, acts, and warnings related to me leaving it permanently caused everything to fall on her. She said that the only reason why she didn't want to date me was her immaturity and the fact that she didn't want to hurt me again. Guess what. It hurt me.
And so, when the time came, two more shrapnels of the grenade that exploded years before hit me on the same day and I finally took the action undisputably feasible in the long-run, for all involved. And we cut it off. It sped up the explosion, causing it to end within minutes. It hurt. But then it started to heal. And memories, of which most awesome, remained.
And the same thing goes for Coldplay. In 2015, they released a song, which I love and consider a message of this story. Their final studio album Head Full of Dreams came out shortly after that. Apart of that one song, which it did feature, nothing impressed me enough to care about. And that, at least for me, is the end of Coldplay.
Yes, one could argue that Something Just Like This is also their song. I don't agree. It comes form an album of The Chainsmokers ironically called Memories... Do Not Open. And it features the genius voice of Chris Martin I will always have appreciation for, without crappy sound effects applied to it. He feels free from them on there, maybe just using their name for its regretful ability to sell better compared to his own. I know the rest of the band may have been involved. It is not their song nevertheless.
And this, this is the end of a post borderline person writes near the end of a gap in their pharmacotherapy.