Written on 30th Jan, 2017 in Reflections
I had a rather strange experience with someone I have met through one of the billion internet dating sites. I know this happens to everyone and it's rather boring to listen to stories about how somebody's tinder match has stolen their wallet after staying the night. This one was different, though. This one showed me how much introverts need extroverts.
First of all, let me justify my usage of this site and why my profiles appear on tinder and sadly even elsewhere, at times. As I have already mentioned, I am rubbish at making new friends. What I may have not mentioned is that I have had issues, which make my view on physical and social contact somewhat edgy. As well as my capability of answering whether I an straight or not. Whatever. I am 2X years old and getting somewhat depressed over how I never got into the everlasting high-school romance, remaining single for the most of my time.
I long for a girlfriend who would spend about a half of our free time with me and who would distract me from my thoughts. Unfortunately, meeting such person is very hard for someone who spends 6 months in country A and then 6 months in country B. For this reason, I keep looking online, for someone who would be able to satisfy the little I desire.
Actually, the job description for this position is somehow overwhelming and impossible to meet due to the turns my life has taken over the last couple of decades. Still, as long as it is in the "fair enough" mode, I would be more than happy to welcome someone in my life with a never ending hug and all the awesome things I can think of to make them happy. Because life is about making compromises. And because weirdly enough, I love imperfections in people.
So, in order to find someone for at least half of my following years, I started messaging girls (do you call them women at this age? Oh my god -.- ) on one of the most popular dating sites my homeland has. Most of the time, the responses I get are quite dull and I am rendered unable to compensate for the gap in cognitive abilities between me and the other side. This time, the response was not stupid at all. And the conversation continued and it somehow evolved into a two-months long story, which was terminated about three days ago.
She was there, asking me questions, being highly curious about my life and my interests. There had been someone for me to talk to and mostly to pass my thoughts to. She was an ISFP, a good listener, indeed. But since the beginning, I felt that I know too little and she knows too much. I mean, she told me stuff, but it just was not enough.
Time came when I went home for the Christmas and have shown an interest in meeting her, but it never happened. Because some people need to be reminded of something seven times and I just can't bother. When I returned to the UK, she somehow expected for our communication to carry on in a standard manner, but there was suddenly not much to talk about. She knew everything, I knew all she was willing to tell me, and that was it. So we stopped talking. And that bothered her, so I explained to her that there is not much to talk about and that we did not have any experience of each other, which makes it somewhat natural not to talk. The rest of the story is not important. Later, I just disappeared by clicking an overwhelming total of 3 buttons.
The point is, extroverts always have stuff to talk about. They keep bringing up topics you may have something to contribute to and they keep you stimulated, which is exactly what an introvert (INFJ, at least) needs once they reach the decision to seek other human being. Because even though sitting on a couch, saying nothing might be comfortable, we also need the feeling of existence. The feeling of belonging, precisely in the way Maslow has described it in his hierarchy. And even if we don't feel like talking, we get the chance to listen to something slightly more interesting than Jeremy Kyle Show.
And exactly this is the reason why I am grateful for regaining contact with someone I have been missing for almost 5 months. An extroverted being who is somehow always able to cheer me up. Despite the hateful period we have gone through, we agreed that it now feels like a time that never passed and we are back to considering each other family. And we apparently will, no matter what happens. And no, the latter event did not contribute to the relationship with my virtual girlfriend falling apart. Even if it did, though, would you be surprised? When one realizes that having a close friend who actually talks to you is far better than having a close romantic relationship with someone who seems to be a mere illusion?
Though I don't understand their acting and the way they seem to oversocialize on the internet and in the real world, I am grateful for their existence. Because without them, the world would fall into silence. Although such world would be far easier for the hearing-impaired, it would most likely suck for the rest. Thank you, extroverts.